trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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