i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
