My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
