You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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