It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
