im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize