i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
