The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
