FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Two words: nipple clamps
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
