I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
