so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize