College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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