i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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