Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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