You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
