I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
