The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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