this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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