i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
