The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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