We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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