Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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