Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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