even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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