I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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