Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize