I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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