It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Are we still banned from the library?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
