I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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