he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
