one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
