Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
