her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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