dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
