can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
