You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
