She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
