in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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