You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
