DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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