The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
