Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
