hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
