I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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