Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
