He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
