the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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