So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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