he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
