Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
