Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I need to stop coming to work sober
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
