If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
