youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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