I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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