There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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