did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
