ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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