and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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