A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
