I looked at my own cervix.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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