worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
