you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
