I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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