you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
