I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
