Having a random hookup so left but love u
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
