he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
