I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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