Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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