Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
