tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
