he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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